STOP WHINING!

Zoidberg is a government employee. Unlike a government employee, Zoidberg does enjoy doing his job, and doing it well and in a punctual manner. Like a government employee, Zoidberg absolutely despises working on Friday, and graciously accepts programs that let him skip every other Friday to sit around constructing models of old Soviet jets.

That being said, tonight I will watch my glorious Texasmen bring sheer hatred and righteous fury to Brett Favre and his delicious jaw line. Despite Comcast's best efforts to prevent me from watching the third most important NFL game of the season by not airing it, I am resolved to reconnoiter at a house that does not pipe glorious television straight from Lucifer himself. While watching Flozell Adams commit his 22nd false start of the season, I plan on obtaining the finest of bourbons I have not yet imbibed that do not exceed twenty-five dollars from across the Key Bridge in the rough streets of Northwest DC.

It has come to my recent attention that some of the new viewers of the Bourblogger are upset by the current lack of booze related posts (1 for 2). Someone also made the point that while bourbon and objectiveness go well together, as does fitness and objectiveness, they unfortunately do not obey the transitive property. Apparently, bourbon is an

"Old timey (?) southern drink meant for relaxation. Slower times and easing yourself from the fast pace of life. A sweet beverage enjoyed while in subtle contemplation of life and puppies."

-Some Old Woman

Fie on this! Bourbon is a swirling maelstrom of complexity! A drink that may be considered the titular ruler of all things southern, but below all the maudlin labeling with smoking grandads on the bottle lies the burning desire of wanton pleasure and superiority! Surely such a thing can be directly...nay...SIMULTANEOUSLY enjoyed while clean and pressing large rounds of iron through the ceiling!

The truth of the matter is, creating a feeling of satisfaction is something we must strive for as our most pertinent moral purpose. Whether it is drinking a fine adult beverage that I purchase with my well earned money, or enjoying the repose that follows a superior lift, the feeling is the same. Satisfaction and pleasure. It is the purpose of Zoidberg to make accessible the things of booze and exercise so that our readership, however misguided, can see the outlet of enjoyment and pleasure where previously they had not seen it.