Lo, I speak unto ye about the rusty nail!
The rusty nail is a delicious poultice composed of 2 parts cheap scotch and 1 part incredibly overpriced Drambuie. Drambuie itself is quite a treat, as its swirling complexity of herbs and honey meld together well with the fact that it is an aged scotch whisky of questionable origin.
"But it's from Scotland! Surely it must be like the morangiedalimorefiditchiglens, and full of lots of numbers denoting how much you have to spend....and excitement!"
Blast, no you confounded fools! Since when has any distiller in his right mind decided to add such powerful aromatics and sweeteners unless to confuddle the senses and fool the plebes into thinking it is drinking ambrosia? Besides, scholars (wikipedia) maintain that contrary to modern chemistry Drambuie can indeed be lit ablaze despite being only 80 proof.
But damn the torpedoes and loose lips shank sips, this beverage is an absolute delight!
"But Zoidberg, there is nary a bit of corn within a mile of this recipe! It is bourbon-free and from the dreaded land of the Scots!"
(google result of stupid Scots)These are dark times my friend, full questionable policies regarding when I can club baby seals and slide tackle emo kids at the gym. When I seek solace, I seek it with whatever is left in my liquor cabinet and goddamnit the only thing left is scotch, drambuie, and this disgusting mess called Pimms. Why anyone would drink anything called Pimms is beyond me.
So go forth and fire up the old liver because this beverage is a welcome change of pace.
Points for?
* Sounds goddamn manly as hell, makes you feel like a Viking when you order it.
* It is a brown, so it fits well within the regime of drinks acceptable to Zoidberg
* Easy to mix
* Tastes like freedom
Points against?
* Costly to obtain ingredients ($20 for run of the mill blended scotch, $40 for drambuie, BLAST!)
* Hangovers can get nasty
* People will assume you like scots, bloody scots!
3 comments:
"When I seek solace, I seek it with whatever is left in my liquor cabinet and goddamnit the only thing left is scotch, drambuie, and this disgusting mess called Pimms. Why anyone would drink anything called Pimms is beyond me." Why would you have this Pimms in your liquor cabinet in the first place? You seem so fond of it.
Who are you?! It kills me!
I bought Pimms because the store was all out of your mom's favorite, Thunderbird. As we all have experienced, your mom has to get all tore up before Zoidberg takes her to pleasure town. It is quite an experience.
I hope this isn't Jean
Wait, you must be a Scot. I don't know any Scots other than my Alaskan brother, but his comment would involve distinctly more misspellings and angry video game rage.
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