Old Hardware

I come to my audience of five and half to spread the knowledge of a new wondrous beverage. It really isn't new, but it inspires wonderment...or at least headbutts from my dear friend C-Brinkles.

Lo, I speak unto ye about the rusty nail!


The rusty nail is a delicious poultice composed of 2 parts cheap scotch and 1 part incredibly overpriced Drambuie. Drambuie itself is quite a treat, as its swirling complexity of herbs and honey meld together well with the fact that it is an aged scotch whisky of questionable origin.

"But it's from Scotland! Surely it must be like the morangiedalimorefiditchiglens, and full of lots of numbers denoting how much you have to spend....and excitement!"

Blast, no you confounded fools! Since when has any distiller in his right mind decided to add such powerful aromatics and sweeteners unless to confuddle the senses and fool the plebes into thinking it is drinking ambrosia? Besides, scholars (wikipedia) maintain that contrary to modern chemistry Drambuie can indeed be lit ablaze despite being only 80 proof.

But damn the torpedoes and loose lips shank sips, this beverage is an absolute delight!

"But Zoidberg, there is nary a bit of corn within a mile of this recipe! It is bourbon-free and from the dreaded land of the Scots!"


(google result of stupid Scots)

These are dark times my friend, full questionable policies regarding when I can club baby seals and slide tackle emo kids at the gym. When I seek solace, I seek it with whatever is left in my liquor cabinet and goddamnit the only thing left is scotch, drambuie, and this disgusting mess called Pimms. Why anyone would drink anything called Pimms is beyond me.

So go forth and fire up the old liver because this beverage is a welcome change of pace.

Points for?

* Sounds goddamn manly as hell, makes you feel like a Viking when you order it.
* It is a brown, so it fits well within the regime of drinks acceptable to Zoidberg
* Easy to mix
* Tastes like freedom

Points against?

* Costly to obtain ingredients ($20 for run of the mill blended scotch, $40 for drambuie, BLAST!)
* Hangovers can get nasty
* People will assume you like scots, bloody scots!

Booze Review: Michter's US1 Bourbon

This very welcome addition and quick disappearance from my cabinet came courtesy of my Grandmother. You all should stop for a moment and realize what a wonderful world I must live in where my Grandmother gives me tasty bourbon for Christmas. Gramses hails from Brooklyn, land of Hasidic Jews, honking, and bitter NY Mets fans. Gramses has a history of enjoying the Johnny Walker Red, something I am not sure I get on boat with. However, her steadfast determination in drinking a brown in an Italian family whose sole purpose in life is to live and breath gin is a feat indeed.

At some point, Gramses decided it would be totally acceptable to give her grandson booze, and I am glad this realization took place. I can however, imagine the brief moral dilemma that occurred to her while considering the notion. Which makes me think that another relative (probably by uncle) then reaffirmed that such a gift would be totally OK because as we all know I am a drunkard.

Michter's defies all research attempts, which means that I could not find it using google. What information I can find mentions that this magical pot-stilled sour mash, straight bourbon was distilled at Michter's Distillery in Schaefferstown, Pennsylvania.

Pennsylvania?

Whatever.

Michter's Distillery was established in 1753. Until it's closing in 1992, it was the oldest operating distillery in America. Bourbon County wasn't even formed until 1785. At that time, it was still part of Virginia, and was named to honor the Royal French Family. The former Fayette County was a major "hub", as it were, for distilled spirits travelling on the Ohio and Mississippi Rivers. These barrels were stamped with the county name, thus coupling it with the lovely amber nectar. (Information via Straight Bourbon)


Like this, only not single barrel

Michter proudly mentions on the label that this is an American unblended whiskey, not a bourbon. Though he mentions it is aged for 10 years in a white-oak barrel...so I am a bit unclear how he makes that claim other than being 80% corn...to me that is still a bourbon.

The bourbon itself was truly a delicious feat. The nose gave no hint of a very sweet beverage, but the initial taste revealed this whiskey was distinctly more comprised of corn that your average bourbon. The direct and uncomplex sweetness is mellowed out almost immediately by the organic woodiness of the aging process. The overall impression of this whiskey is very syrupy and honey-like, but not so much as to overpower the palate. I would say that this sweetness mirrors Jefferson Reserve very closely, but Michter has a rougher edge that conveys their pot distillation. Reminds me of something Grandma would make.

Booze Review - Jefferson Reserve 15yr

Over my two-week hiatus from my job surfing the internet, I had the wondrous duty to sample what I now believe fills in the missing gap of bourbons. Indeed, this homo habilis of delicious bourbon fits into a nice price gap that I had a great deal sorting out. Let me reference this list here to help elucidate my problem.

List of Tasty Bourbons to Have Neat, best value for your dollar:

Best $10.00 - $15.00 Bourbon : W.L. Weller

Best $15.00 - $20.00 Bourbon : Sam Houston 10 yr.

Best $20.00 - $27.00 Bourbon : Eagle Rare 10 yr.

Best $27.00 - $40.00 Bourbon : Basil Hayden 8 yr.

Best $40.00 - $60.00 Bourbon : Who the hell knows?

Best >$60.00 Bourbon: Pappy Van Winkle 20 yr.


So as you can see, the market is filled with a surfeit of bourbons at the lower and upper end of the spectrum which fit the bill nicely. However, there is nothing to fill the taste gap between the simple yet satisfying modestly priced bourbons and the upper end of the spectrum. That is, unless you count such rotgut as Bakers, Bookers, or that ridiculously overpriced Blantons.

Problem solved by the wondrous sweet complexity that is Jefferson Reserve. JR comes from the same distillery that makes Sam Houston, McClaine (not from Die Hard) and Kyne. Son Trey and dad Chet (whoa...) are part of a growing trend among bourbon distillers to start selling "ultra small batch" bourbons, something that I am sure is pure and utter BS. Regardless, their bourbons are unbelievably fantastic, so I could care less how they choose to make or market it.

Anyway, JR 15 year sells for about $55.00 at your local ABC store, maybe less across the Key Bridge. JR has a distinct nose that immediately fills you with a buttery scent with the hint of some fruitiness, which is an outright lie because the instant this drink hits your palate you are inundated with a luscious caramel atom bomb that makes you feel like you are drinking 90 proof Aunt Jemima. JR's sweet overtones immediately mellow out to the traditional oaky/toffee bourbon finish of the high end bourbons like Pappy Van Winkle, and it leaves a most excellent warm feeling as its golden brown goodness glides down to your liver.