Oh Noes...Readership Increases to Four!

A fitness question floats its way to the Zoidberg from one of his old college buddies ButAss. ButAss has started doing rugby (awesome) and wants to figure out new ways to get his legs more tree-like for the pummeling (even more awesome) and he figures the way to do this is with plyometrics, intervals, and smith machine squats (uh oh).

All kidding aside, let us determine where the problem is here...
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My four day split w/ a full day for legs was going well, at least I thought, until I realized I wasn't going deep enough with my squats and I'm still questioning my form on the deadlifts. I've noticed my legs do fine until I start to get to the bottom of the squat, where I have now noticed I am having trouble getting to even w/o any weights. Any suggestions to improve that? I've been doing squats on the smith machine and lunges in the mean time, even on the smith I have problems getting low w/ just a plate on each side. Any recommendations on how to strengthen that so I can start doing squats properly?
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Approach

Ok, let's break down the situation. It seems that you are vexed at a lack of progress in legs. If you only have time to hit the weights twice a week, make sure you are doing some legs first on both days. I would suggest this:

Day 1: Squats, Deadlift, Chest, Arms

Day 2: Lunges, Step-up, Back, Shoulders

You have to tackle the problem at the source, something I avoided for a long time by trying to do other leg exercises without realizing that if your problem is squats...the solution is squats. Break out of that rat-bastard smith machine. It is most likely restricting your form and keeping you from moving around naturally at the bottom of your lift, forcing you to work against the machines assembly on the drive. Next, start doing these leg exercises deep, slow, and heavy.

A huge problem with lifters who are struggling with lighter weights, knowing they are strong enough to lift more is that they refuse to go for higher weight! If you are struggling to get your three sets of 6 reps at 185 on deadlift, go for broke one week and try and get three sets of 3-4 reps at 225! You'll be better off, I promise.

J-tox and I were doing heavy deadlift Sunday when some dude next to us asked us how often we go for heavy (or near maximal) lifts for legs...

EVERY TIME!

You need to go maximal a couple times EVERY WORKOUT. So this guy had been struggling to get his three or four sets of 6-8 reps at 225 on deadlift. We told him to quit babying himself and push the envelope.
He then proceeded to crank 2 sets at 275 (50 more lbs) for 4-5 reps. Far out man!

Why am I such a genius?

Lifts

Keep doing lunges, they are an excellent addition to a leg workout if done properly, which is deep with your back mostly straight. Use dumbbells only until you have mastered the form and aren't wobbly like a freshman after punch night at ATO.

Deadlifting is an oft-screwed up lift, and without seeing you in person I cannot tell you what you are doing wrong (or right), but I can tell you three simple things you should do in order to facilitate a good lift.

1) Make sure the bar starts out touching your shins.
2) Pull straight up, transferring the weight to your lower back simultaneous to you squeezing your ass together and straightening your legs.
3) Keep your back flat while sticking your ass out.

I can also pass on this brilliant three part article from the boys at T-Nation.

Part I:
Part II:
Part III:

Squat heavy, low, and determined. Not necessarily slow, but don't rush. For the longest time, Zoidberg dropped to what he assumed was essentially parallel. FUCKING WRONG. Parallel is obvious, I just refused to acknowledge truly how painful and deep parallel truly is. ButAss, squat down until you abs are laying on your quads...go below parallel...touch your ass to the ground. Shelve the ego for a while and just squat so low that you feel like you are dropping a load in China. You'll be better off. The gym is full of guys loading up the rack with 315 who go down 30-45 degrees.

Be the guy that squats 185 until his ass touches the ground. You'll be 10 times stronger.

Step-up involves grabbing a steady platform (I use the aerobics platform with 6-7 of those blocks under it, every gym is different though). The idea is that you want to put one leg up and have the bottom of your thigh be parallel with the ground. This is usually somewhere around 15-20 inches. Anyway, load up the barbell and just take turns stepping up, one leg at a time, making sure to fully step up and contract the leg before bringing the other leg to the platform.

It will surely kill you.

Start with dumbbells until you get the form down.

Good luck ButAss, murder some people on the rugby field for me.

Fraptious Day

It is a sad day. Last night I came to the horrid realization that the rotator cuff is truly, honest to god, 100% injured, whereas previously I thought I had a mild tweak. Constant bull-headed aggravation has lead a minor injury into one that needs to rest for a considerable length of time. This realization precludes the awful truth that I need to take a complete 1 - 2 months off chest, back, and shoulders.

This is a crippling fact.

But it is either that, or suffer a debilitating injury that will hinder me the rest of my life. I'll go ahead and stop the whining now, because it is starting to piss me off. The trick now is to devise a workout plan that won't let me shrivel into the 170 lb stick I was about a year ago. The lynch-pin here is intervals.

If I start erging 10k a day, 5 days a week, by April I will have lost just about 50% of the gains I have made in the past 9 months. But if I keep the erg workouts short and explosive, I should stay in a primarily anaerobic zone. It won't be perfect, but with the addition of two leg days a week and some lighter arms, I should stave off looking like an Ethiopian for a while yet.

Here is a tentative plan, that I think all those who are healing from lingering upper body injuries should use, because I am a fucking fitness genius.

Sunday ------------------Heavy Legs: Squat, Deadlift, Step-up
Monday---------- 8 x 500 @ Anaerobic max, 2:30 off, r20-24
Tuesday--- 4k light, r20-22. Hammies: Lunges, Stiff-leg Deadlift
Wednesday--Light- moderate weight isolated arms. Slow reps
Thursday-------- 8 x 500 @ Anaerobic max, 2:30 off, r20-24
Friday -------4 x 1000 @ Anaerobic threshhold, 3:30 off, r20-24
Saturday -----------------I toil not.

Weekend Roundup - Booze Review, Ridgemont Reserve 1792

Booze Recipe
-Broman's Boilo (ripoff hot-toddy)-

I am going to kick off the first installation of time to get lit on a Monday because hey, Monday is the new Sunday, which is the new Saturday. This recipe is something I trot out every time it starts to get cold and our kitchen starts to get too clean.

The first time I made this mess I was in my long-time friend's apartment. I can't remember the reason why I decided to obliterate his kitchen with a sticky mess, but I am sure it was a good one. Regardless, this citrus-cider concoction is the cure for what ails you, if what ails you is sobriety or a lack of your daily intake of 9000% Vitamin C. Same old friend claims it cured him of his sickness another time I made it, and it tastes better than children's robitussin so why not give it a whirl.

10 Oranges
5 Lemons
2 Limes
2 Tbsp Cinnamon
1 Tbsp Nutmeg
1/3 Cup Honey
Some cheapo bourbon (Maybe Evan Williams)

Anyway, Juice the fruit and put the peel and pulp from about half the oranges into a large pot. Add in the remaining ingredients while stirring. Let the mixture rise to a boil, then simmer for about an hour. Take care to never add the booze. When you are ready, you can ladle the mixture into the mug, and then add the bourbon. Use whatever ratio your current level of alcoholism dictates.


Booze Review
-1792 Ridgemont Reserve-

To quote,

"1792 Ridgemont Reserve is a distinctively smooth, handcrafted small-batch bourbon, patiently aged 8 years in new charred oak barrels in Bardstown, Kentucky. This 93.7 proof Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey was named for the year Kentucky became a state. Rich and velvety, it's the perfect bourbon for toasting any special occasion - in fact, it's the Official Toasting Bourbon of the Kentucky Bourbon Festival"

Now, I am not going to come off and say that 1792 was bad, because it certainly wasn't. I will however say that it was pretty disappointing. Nestled onto the premium shelf next to such vagabonds as Basil Hayden, Eagle Rare, Bulleit, and Bakers/Bookers (meh), you would expect such a bourbon to be up to the challenge of performance. Instead, I was disappointed by too much bite that was not balanced by any degree of real spice or flavor. Instead, I felt like it was a freshman attempt at a premium bourbon. Now, were this bourbon only 20 bucks I'd say it was a decent buy. But the pretentiousness just oozes off the label and creates the mystique of drinking the nectar of the gods, when you are really just drinking the nectar of Steve.

Final Zoidberg Score:

*Scale is out of 6 tasty full rocks glasses.*


Weekend Pump
-49 Asks More Silly Questions-




Our dear friend from the land of no sales tax comes again with the questions pertaining to the weightlifting:

"I cheat on my back. This was pointed out to me last night on chest/back day. I had been doing wide grip pulldowns for (substantial weight) but my biceps tended to hurt more than my back. Apparently that's a Bad Thing (tm) and a sign of cheating. So
I've gone to narrow grip and scaled way way back on the weight.

But even with that, I think I have a larger problem. Yeah, I was
doing them a lot better, but I was still crushing my biceps and that
caused me to really perform poorly on the remaining chest exercises
for the evening. "

49 then goes on to suggest something ludicrous like separating chest and back so that his biceps are not pre-exhausted to the point where his chest workout suffers.

So wait, you were doing really heavy totally excellent pulldowns but you decided to reduce the weight when you were getting a totally awesome pump that was probably ridiculously effective at building muscle? Then you feared pre-exhausting your biceps and switched to an even more bicep intensive back exercise?

The pump is your friend!

First, biceps will always get fairly exhausted when part of a difficult back regimen, particularly with bicep intensive lifts like narrow grip pulldowns, chin-ups, narrow grip rows, etc. So, it makes sense to put these exercises which will strain your smallest muscle, at the end. However, if you find your biceps/triceps are getting crushed early and you fear your back/chest is getting chamfered by these piddly muscles, the answer is not to rejigger your workout so that you avoid the problem. Your arms are obviously a weak point in your larger muscle apparatus, but the way to meet this problem is to continue the workout you have so that your arms can catch up. Yes, your arms may be limiting your growth in your chest/back, but eventually they will be forced to catch up by the constant overmatching effort you are demanding of them.

It certainly doesn't mean you are cheating. Zoidberg is not quite sure who gave you that idea. It simply means A) your biceps need to play catch up, or B) you started off with too many bicep intensive back lifts in the beginning of your workout. Cheating? no.

Second, are you still seeing gains or have you reached complete plateau? Have you been at roughly the same weight for the past month? If not, then don't worry about it quite yet.

Don't change a thing, keep up the effort and max the envelope.




Miscellaneous Detritus

A few further notes from the weekend that may be of interest:

* Fighting Cock is on sale at the ABC. Don't miss this opportunity for cheap dong. ZINGA!

* If you haven't already eaten at Pike Pizza, do yourself a favor and brave MS13 Columbia Pike just once. Bolivian food is really just an amalgamation of beef, potatoes, and fried eggs, so you really can't go wrong. *Note* English is scarce there.

*How bout them Cowboys?